A Very Good Day

This morning we had our monthly appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine.  In the past these visits have been stressful, and usually it takes a few days to emotionally recover from them.  But today was different!

We got to see a pretty good picture of little Leo's face.  It was a head on shot, and he was looking right at us, he even slowly blinked at us a few times.  It was AMAZING!  I really needed that, because it got Scott and I so much more excited about meeting him, and just gave us something to be really happy about.  He really looks a lot like Claire did, but his face isn’t as round.  He looks a lot like Scott to me.

Regarding Luke, we THOUGHT he was going to be a good candidate for organ donation, but our Doctor called us back and explained that the only way they would consider him was if he had genetic testing via amniocentesis to rule out any other genetic issues such as trisomy 13, 18, etc.  She was not comfortable with doing that because she does not want to put Leo at risk.  However, what we could do is have them take blood right away after he is born, and try to have them rush the results, but there would be no guarantee the results would come back in time before he passes.  So we will just have to wait and see what happens after they get here. OR, she did say that in the rare case we get to take both Luke and Leo home with us, we would have those results ready if we needed them.

I'm a little bit disappointed about the organ donation thing.  I was really hoping that Luke would be able to help give others a good chance at life that he wouldn't have.  It just would have made me feel a little better about things.  But that’s okay, it is what it is, and we will just find some other way to give back.

In Good Times and Bad...

Honestly, it’s been a pretty good week for me this week in terms of coping.  I've been feeling pretty upbeat and positive, and I've really been enjoying the company of my boys. 

Luke and Leo are pretty active in there.  Leo is on my left side and Luke is on my right.  Its interesting to observe and experience each of their movement routines, and they seem to have their own little personalities, at least I like to think so.

Luke is my little athlete.  He kicks MUCH harder than his brother, and I often can watch the right side of my belly bounce as he practices his gymnastics.  His legs usually kick me right below my ribs, and he even punches me a bit too.  It's strange to think that there is anything wrong with him at all judging by how active he is, but I'm trying to treasure every little moment I have with him, even at 12:00 am when he's literally bouncing off the walls of my uterus.  It's a little more challenging  to appreciate it at that hour, but as long as I feel him, I know he's there, and that gives me comfort.

Leo is also quite the mover, but there is something a little more playful about his movements.  He will usually react when I poke him a little quicker than Luke will.  He moves a lot, but with less force than Luke.  As silly as it sounds, he reminds me of Scott, but with a little more attitude.  He's gentle like his daddy, but opinionated and a bit spunky like his mom. 

One of my favorite moments of the day is when I feel Leo roll to right side and squish up as close to Luke as he can get, and I swear I can feel them trying to interact with each other.  I'm not sure how much they actually comprehend each other’s presence since they each have their own placenta's, but I can't help but get the feeling that they are aware of each other through the membrane that separates them.  As uncomfortable as it is for me, it’s pretty neat to feel it happening. 

This pregnancy is quite uncomfortable, and there are days where I just don't know how much longer I can stand it.  But then I feel my boys move.  I try to close my eyes, place my hands on my belly, and enjoy feeling them both while I can.  Through the muscle pain, sciatica, Braxton hicks, heartburn and other unpleasant symptoms, at least I know I have two tiny little spirits growing inside me.  They are there when I feel lonely during the day and I have no one to talk to while I work from home.  They hear me laugh, cry and complain.  They feel me toss and turn at night, and rock them to sleep as I waddle about the house trying to do chores.  My boys are always there with me, they are my constant companions. 

As much as I look forward to holding them both in my arms, the day of their birth is rather frightening.  For now I have them both, and the knowledge that once they leave my body I will only be left with one leaves me feeling quite nervous and panicked.

Will I have the strength to endure the inevitable?  Will Leo notice the absence of his brother?  Will I be able to be the tender mother he needs?  Will my love be enough to comfort him, and will my touch be able to replace that of his twin?

For now though, they are both mine.  I will treasure and savor that as long as I can.